i jhust puked up my retainher.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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