is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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