Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
