Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize