I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize