And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
