I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
