my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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