i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
