I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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