we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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