Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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