I want to stick my p in your. b.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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