she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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