Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
