I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
