I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
