I am full of burrito and curiosity
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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