I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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