If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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