hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
