mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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