i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
