Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
