I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
