I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
