Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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