Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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