sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
