ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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