Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
