Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
