I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
