I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My balls are so social today.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize