can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
