dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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