I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
