you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
