this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
