Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize