just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize