i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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