TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
