im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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