he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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