Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
