I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
