My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
