oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
