Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
