When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
