It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it penis luge time yet?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize