i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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