is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize