She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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