Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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