I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
