whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
