I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
