Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Your tits are I can't wait for
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
