My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The struggles of a small town man whore
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
