The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
