Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
