i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
