At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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