SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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