his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
