I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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