Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
