the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize