Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
