This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
