Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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