I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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