Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
