totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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