I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ttyl tear gas
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
