so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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