M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
