i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
