ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
