it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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