at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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