I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
