they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
