Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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