And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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