thus making me awesome and them whores
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
