Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
