you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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