shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
