If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
