either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
