Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
