im drinking this country out of the recession.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
