he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize